This Sunday’s gospel story of the miracle Jesus performed at the wedding at Cana reminded me of the transformation I experienced around this resentment. If Jesus can change water into wine, why couldn’t he do a number on me? While I had been incredulous that anyone could forget the fact that someone helped them out when they were in a tough spot, I failed to see that my own lack of peace was due to the way I chose to see things. But I just couldn’t, on my own, see it otherwise. I had tried mentally to find a new way to get past the hurt, but these thoughts dominated my perspective.
It was when I began to ask the Lord to transform my thoughts and feelings that his grace brought about the freedom from resentment that I had desired. Put simply, I decided to ask the Lord for the help I needed. This can be done with simple honest prayer before the Lord, something as simple as, “Lord, help me to see this as you do.” Or “Lord, show me what I can’t see or figure out about this on my own.” The important thing is to ask for the grace to be freed from resentment and allow the Lord to bring it about in his own way and time.
All of this presupposes that we have reached the point in resentment when we are able to stop focusing on how justified we might be for how we think and feel about the situation. It is as though resentment has to “ripen,” or perhaps to go through certain stages before we reach the point where we are willing to ask the Lord for the help that we OURSELVES need. Until that point in resentment, we tend to keep hitting our heads against the wall wanting the OTHER person to have a breakthrough! To wake up! To realize their mistakes! To get it!
Presuming, then, that we’re willing to stop condemning the person we believe has hurt us, we should pray into what would truly be best for all who are involved, without presuming to know what that would be. In my case, I prayed that the Lord would transform my way of thinking about the situation, and he did. At other times, by praying for “what’s best for all who are involved” the Lord might surprise us by changing the heart of the other person. In any case, we have to pray with great desire for healing and with great faith that the Lord will bring resolution and healing where it is needed.
It wasn’t all that long after I experienced this Cana-like transformation of my mind and heart over this situation that the very person in question contacted me about helping them with a substantially greater sum, promising a very short turn-around in repayment. Amazingly, I freely agreed to do so, though we spoke more specifically about the terms of the deal. I then calmly asked them if they remembered the previous time they had asked me to help them out. In fact, they had no recollection of it whatsoever, even after I filled in a bit of the details. Once again, I helped them out and the loan was paid back within a year, with much gratitude.
I gave a Lenten talk a few years ago here at the Cathedral in Grand Island on resentment. By the size of the line of people that cued up to talk to me afterwards, my sense that resentment is a painful reality in the lives of so many people was confirmed. Given the fact that we are body and soul, when the body gets sick, has some chronic pain or debilitating condition, we eventually go to see our doctor. Why? Well, obviously, because we want relief. So, too, for the soul. When any of the seven deadly sins are afflicting us, we ought to seek spiritual direction and confession for the same reason: to have relief from the spiritual malady that afflicts us.
Whether our soul is tormented by resentment, or envy, anger, greed, lust, or any other vice or habitual sin, we ought to seek out wise counsel from someone who has wisdom and experience in the spiritual life. Of course, this is the last thing the evil one wants us to do. So, pray into what troubles you, asking the Lord to ‘change your water into wine,’ and believe that healing and a new spiritual vitality can be your story, too!
