The structure of going to confession is simply that of an apology. Two people greet each other. One person starts the conversation. The other person then brings up the subject material for the apology and says they are sorry. Then there is some brief conversation about it. After that, the other person accepts the apology. This is often followed by some offer of kindness or pledge to avoid the situation again. As things wrap up, they greet each other and go their way.
So many times people have said to me, “Father, I just don’t like going to confession.” My response is usually to say, “Well, do you enjoy apologizing to people? Do you like bringing up your faults before family members, friends or co-workers? Who likes or enjoys the awkwardness of an apology?” Those moments are never easy, and yet we engage in offering and accepting apologies from others so that relationships can heal and thrive again. If we only did what we find comfortable in life, where would the world be? Rather, we overcome the displeasure of it all because we want to be in right relationship with others. So it is that we go to confession because the weight of sin is a burden for us and alters our relationships, and from that we desire freedom, forgiveness, healing and mercy.
The challenge for many people is to stop confessing things that they have confessed in the past if they have not committed those sins since their last confession. Yes, we are human, and we will remember our sins, but to keep confessing them is to deny that the great mercy of God has already destroyed those sins! I cannot emphasize enough that there is something spiritually stunted in us if we confess the same sin over and over again, even though we haven’t committed that sin for years. Stop it! This is a failure to believe and trust in God’s mercy. It’s like going to jail for a crime, doing your time for that crime and being released only to ask the jailer to put you back in jail simply because you remember committing that crime for which you have already served time. Who does that? We need to stop putting ourselves back in hell for the sins for which we have been forgiven.
There have been times when people in the parish would catch me after a Mass or some meeting and begin by saying, “Do you remember what we talked about in confession?” I would always reply by saying, “What specifically are you talking about?” Even if a person confessed just two things, I would not remember to what they were referring. Furthermore, a priest is not permitted to bring up your sins with you outside the confessional. For example, if someone had confessed a pattern of explosive anger in their life, that priest could not later ask them, “How are you doing with that anger problem you confessed?” The reason is that when you confess something in the Sacrament of Penance, it’s OVER! It is obliterated from the accounting of our sins that we will one day have to give.
When God forgives our sins in the Sacrament of Penance we are no longer weighed down by that guilt, though we may carry shame for those sins for some time. But once we have confessed our sins, shame for them also needs to be released, not carried around. Shame is only to motivate us to seek his mercy. Once our sins have been forgiven, we can hold our heads up and welcome the Lord Jesus Christ when he comes in glory. This is why St. Paul, who persecuted Christians and personally watched over the martyrdom of St. Stephen could, after his conversion, become the greatest preacher of the salvation he received in Christ. Once forgiven of our sins, we too, should become ambassadors for Christ and engage others in the ministry of reconciliation as we heard from St. Paul’s 2nd Letter to the Corinthians on Sunday.
When we confess our sins, they are removed from the record of our lives. On the day of our particular judgement before the Lord, when nothing is hidden that will not be revealed (Luke 8:17), those sins will show up as blank spaces in the accounting of our sins. Why? Because when we confess them with true sorrow, they are then and there accounted for, that is, wiped out! We ought to live in the hope of God’s mercy and receive it often rather than pretend “God understands” our sinfulness. Instead, we resist the uncomfortable moment of confession because we have not come to true sorrow for our offending the Lord and others.
Hearing confessions is about the most important thing I am ordained to do as a priest and now bishop. Now having celebrated that sacrament for nearly 41 years, I never tire of trying to convince people that they are FORGIVEN! If we have confessed our sins sincerely, then we ought to rejoice every day in the salvation Christ won for us when he rescued us from our sins. Sunday’s gospel has the Father rejoicing that his prodigal son has returned. Scripture says that “there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” We need to trust in God who rejoices more over us and respond with true rejoicing and gratitude for his tender mercy.
In these remaining days of the Lenten season, examine your conscience well, be truly sorry for your sins, confess them honestly with faith in God’s mercy, leave your shame behind and rejoice that your heavenly Father is so very good, and that his mercy endures forever!
