May and June are busy months in what might be considered the “wedding season.” Marriage preparation and wedding plans are the preoccupation for a number of people this time of the year. Of course, there are countless details that brides and grooms and their families must consider as the wedding draws near. Some of these matters can be a source of tension as two families, excited about the wedding, cooperate in the planning. Not a few couples joke about eloping as the planning of it all nearly overwhelms them.
Since it’s wedding season, I decided to focus on various aspects of marriage in this weekly email reflection over the course of the next few weeks. Having prepared a few hundred couples for marriage over the course of my priestly ministry, I learned so much from young couples, engaging them in a systematic look at marriage. Throughout my priesthood, I have also learned a great deal from the married couples whom I have counseled and those with whom I have enjoyed a long friendship, some now for over 30 years! Married couples have enriched my life personally, and my priestly ministry pastorally.
The Church has been taking a formal approach to marriage preparation now for more than 40 years. It is an investment in the lives of those who are engaged and in the stability of family life. It is also an investment in the future of our society, and yet in recent years dramatic changes have been happening in our culture with respect to marriage. The vast majority of young couples are now living together before they marry. While this has become common, it is an imperceptible detriment to marriage as a lifelong commitment. The irony is that while it is thought to be the case that living together before marriage helps prepare them for a life-long union, it actually interrupts their preparation. Over the past 25 years, fewer people are entering into the sacrament of marriage, and more and more young people have little or no interest in bearing children or having a family.
While the Church continues to offer marriage preparation for those who are engaged, few if any parishes offer marriage enrichment to strengthen and encourage the sacrament of marriage throughout the course of married life. One such effort that I would like to explore is something called “Communio,” meaning communion. Places that have invited the people at Communio to engage their parishes and communities in marriage enrichment have seen great results among those who participate. More than ever, the Church needs to be at the forefront of forming the culture in the beauty and meaning of marriage, promoting the deeper meaning of the sacrament and encouraging couples throughout their married life.
I also believe that all of us have to become more engaged in advocating for public policy that supports marriage and family life in our culture. This requires that we pay closer attention to various bills that are introduced in the legislature and encourage our elected representatives to be proactive when it comes to drafting legislation that supports traditional marriage and family life and oppose policies that undermine healthy marriage and family life. And more locally than in the state legislature, we need to engage school boards and other community partnerships to champion marriage and family values on the local level.
Recently, I visited with a friend whose wedding I celebrated 40 years ago. There’s was the 4th wedding of my priesthood. It has been a great joy for me to know them over the course of these 40 years. Life-long marriages have so much to celebrate, and we should continue to honor their witness of fidelity to us all. In February, I stopped by the bedside of a lady the day before she died. I had known her and her husband for over 35 years. He was right there with her to the end. I am also blessed to count among my dear friends who came to me to talk about their marriage about 12 years ago. Since then, their commitment to each other has continually deepened and flourished. This year they will celebrate their 20th anniversary. Though it all, I have been so blessed to see the beauty of the Sacrament of Marriage lived out in so many normal, ordinary marriage relationships.
Thus, it is my hope that over the next few weeks I can offer some brief reflections that you might find helpful or that you might pass along to others for whom you may wish to offer some encouragement. At the same time, if you are a divorced person, I pray that you can read these reflections with renewed hope in the sacrament of marriage and find healing and peace. And if your spouse has deceased, I pray these reflections will bring you renewed gratitude for the marriage you had with your spouse and let that gratitude console you when their absence is felt most acutely.
Together, let us pray for all who are engaged to be married that they might grow deeper in their love and tenderness, their respect and esteem for each other all the days of their lives.
