However, the most important things in life we need to do ourselves. As an example, the family should be the primary place of faith formation. The Church believes that parents should be the primary formators of their children in the ways of faith. Yes, there are exceptions as with everything, but no one can adequately replace the authentic teaching and example of parents. Over time, the role of education has been given over to our schools such that many parents believe they no longer have what it takes to form their children in faith, either.
Like the service industry, many parents actually expect someone else to teach our Catholic faith to their children. While decades ago, parishes developed religious education programs to augment and reinforce the formative role of parents, it seems that over time, people have readily handed over much of the spiritual, intellectual and moral formation of their children to others. Like a lawn service, someone else can do it, saving parents time to get other things done or just to give them a break.
Yet research is showing that it simply doesn’t work. Unless parents are actively involved in the faith formation of their children, faith does not pass into the next generation. As researchers say, it doesn’t “stick.” This also holds true for those who attend Catholic schools. If parents are not involved in the faith formation of their children, it often doesn’t stick for those Catholic school students either. When parents don’t go to Mass on Sunday, or participate in the life of the parish, or engage in outreach through the corporal works of mercy, Catholic schools and religious education programs are hollow.
For a moment, consider this from the perspective of yourself as a middle school student. Mom and Dad, or perhaps just mom, insists that you go to church on Sunday. After church, no further conversation takes place at home about the Sunday Scripture readings, no conversation about the homily, no integration of the Word of God takes place in the family. The Sunday Mass obligation box was simply checked. Then, during the week you have to attend a religious education class in the evening after having been in school all day. Again, back at home, no one asks you what took place in religious education. No one follows up with you on what you learned that evening. It is as though religious education has nothing to do with the rest of your life. Furthermore, your family never talks at home about God, faith, eternal life or what we profess to believe in the Creed on Sunday.
Now imagine if parents were more engaged in the faith formation of their children, beginning with family prayer. What might faith formation be like if one evening a week, the family read and talked about what they got out of the readings for Mass this past weekend. Imagine if another time during the week the family prayed the rosary together, or the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, or some other devotion. Imagine if maybe once a month the family did a service project together – to clean up someone’s yard, or visit a nursing home, or share a meal with an elderly neighbor and after that came home and shared with each other what they experienced while doing the project as a family.
Family faith formation combined with a religious education program or a Catholic school education would do so much more to make faith “stick” for the next generation. But first, we have to admit that what we are doing simply isn’t working. Why then do we still keep doing it? I believe it is because we don’t know how to do anything else, and we don’t make it a priority to explore new possibilities. Clearly, a new model is needed, and there is one that is gaining traction around the country. More people are recognizing that when families engage in an integrated approach to learning the faith, living the faith and sharing the faith, their children enjoy faith formation and make the practice of the faith part of their own personal development.
Until the 1960’s, parents were more directly involved in the lives of their children. They taught them life skills, good manners, personal discipline, sound moral behavior, accountability for their speech and actions, and so much more. Gradually, personal faith formation became less important as the culture turned more to entertainment, accessing that entertainment and becoming those who entertain. School activities wholesome in themselves, now dominate the lives of young people, as well as many other activities that are not school related. Parents have prioritized the participation of their children in so many activities that while good, have greatly reduced family time as parents even go in separate directions to be at all these events.
For a short time, COVID-19 made us all slow down and while it gave family members time to be together, the slower pace was unnerving for many people. We have become addicted to activity, no longer able to pause long enough to think and reflect upon our own behaviors and routine. With little time to be at home because of this chasing after so many things, parents gladly rely on the service industry to make their lives easier. I contend that parents must take back the responsibility for being the first formators of their children in the ways of faith, because no sector of the service industry can replace them effectively.
