January 24, 2014
Frequently Asked Questions about
Confession
Click on any question:
1. Why do I have to confess my sins to a priest?
2. Was the Sacrament of Penance always the way it is now?
3. Why do people vary in calling it the Sacrament of Penance, Confession
or Reconciliation?
4. What do I need to do to make a good confession?
5. How do I examine my conscience well?
6. How do I grow in contrition?
7. How does our sorrow translate into penance?
8. What are the qualities of a good confession?
9. What is sin and what sins need to be confessed in the Sacrament of
Penance?
11. What are the consequences of a mortal sin?
12. What is a venial sin and what are its consequences?
13. What did Jesus say and do about sin?
14. I know mortal sins must be confessed, but should I also confess the
venial sins I’m aware of?
15. Should I go to confession if I’m only aware of having committed
venial sins?
16. Should I go to confession if I haven’t committed any sins since my
last confession?
17. If I forget to confess a mortal sin, is my confession still valid
and my sins forgiven?
18. How often do I need to confess?
19. What are the effects of the sacrament?
20. Can a priest reveal what he has heard to others?
21. What is the priest’s role in the sacrament of confession?
22. What if I feel nervous about going to the sacrament?
23. What if I haven’t been to the sacrament for many years? How do I
prepare? What do I say?
24. I’m reluctant to go to confession because I don’t know the Act of
Contrition by heart.
25. What if I’m not comfortable going to confession face-to face?
27. Can I confess my sins over the telephone or via the internet?
28. Can I be forgiven of the terrible sin of abortion?
30. May I receive the sacrament if I’m divorced?
31. Can a priest ever rightly deny me absolution?
33. Can my sins be forgiven outside of the Sacrament of Penance?
1. Why do I have to confess my sins to a priest?
That’s the way Jesus set it up on Easter Sunday evening. He told
his apostles that just as God the Father had sent him — and God the Father sent
him to save us from our sins — so he was sending them.
He breathed on them the power of the Holy Spirit, giving them
God’s power to forgive sins, since no one can forgive sins but God alone. He
told them that whatever sins they forgive are forgiven and whatever sins they
retain are retained (Jn 20:21-23; Mk 2:7).
Since the apostles were unable to read minds, the only way that
they would know which to forgive and which to retain is if people told them
their sins. Jesus thus established the essential structure of the sacrament of
confession.
Just as he uses priests to give us his Body and Blood at Mass so
he uses them to give us His mercy in Penance.
2. Was the Sacrament of Penance always the way it is now?
The Catechism succinctly teaches:
“Over the centuries the concrete form in which the Church has
exercised this power received from the Lord has varied considerably.
During the first centuries the reconciliation of Christians who
had committed particularly grave sins after their Baptism (for example,
idolatry, murder, or adultery) was tied to a very rigorous discipline,
according to which penitents had to do public penance for their sins, often for
years, before receiving reconciliation. To this ‘order of penitents’ (which
concerned only certain grave sins), one was only rarely admitted and in certain
regions only once in a lifetime.
During the seventh century Irish missionaries, inspired by the
Eastern monastic tradition, took to continental Europe the ‘private’ practice
of penance, which does not require public and prolonged completion of
penitential works before reconciliation with the Church. From that time on, the
sacrament has been performed in secret between penitent and priest.
This new practice envisioned the possibility of repetition and so
opened the way to a regular frequenting of this sacrament. It allowed the
forgiveness of grave sins and venial sins to be integrated into one sacramental
celebration. In its main lines this is the form of penance that the Church has
practiced down to our day” (CCC 1447).
3. Why do people vary in calling it the Sacrament of Penance,
Confession or Reconciliation?
The names emphasize different aspects of the sacrament.
Penance refers to our repentance, sorrow and resolution
to amend our life with God’s help.
Confession refers to the act by which
we tell our sins to the priest.
Reconciliation refers to the goal of the
celebration by which the sinner is reconciled to God and the Church (see CCC
1423-1424).
The ritual for the sacrament is called the Rite of Penance, but is
fitting to refer to it with any of these titles. In fact, the Catechism refers
to it also as “the Sacrament of Conversion” and the “Sacrament of Forgiveness.”
4. What do I need to do to make a good confession?
The sacrament consists of three actions on the part of the
penitent:
5. How do I examine my conscience well?
One does so by asking for God’s help and prayerfully examining
one’s actions in the light of Christ’s teaching and example.
Some review their behavior by the Ten Commandments, others by
Christ’s command to love God and love others, others by their correspondence to
the beatitudes, others by comparing their behavior to the most important
Christian virtues, and others by the seven “capital” sins (pride, envy, anger,
sloth, greed, lust and gluttony).
It is not enough merely to focus on how one’s broken God’s
“rules,” but rather how one has damaged his relationship with God and others
and hurt himself interiorly. It is also important to examine for sins of
omission.
Related: Examination of Conscience
6. How do I grow in contrition?
There are two types of contrition: sorrow over hurting one we love
(called perfect contrition) and sorrow over getting caught or over the
punishment that comes because of sin (imperfect contrition).
We should ask God to help us achieve that perfect contrition in
which we are sorry for having wounded the God who loves us and whom we should
love in return.
Meditation on the consequence of ours sins — Christ’s brutal death
on the Cross — often helps us to grow toward perfect contrition.
7. How does our sorrow translate into penance?
When we are truly sorry for our sins, we regret having ever done
them. That leads naturally to our trying to remedy the damage caused by sin and
to having a firm purpose of amendment to avoid that and other types of sins in
the future.
The priest normally assigns us a penance (for example, prayer,
fasting or other types of self-denial, sacrifices, almsgiving, spiritual or
corporal works of mercy, or service of neighbor) as medicine to begin to repair
the damage caused by sin, but this penance is light in comparison to the
infinite harm our sins have done in bringing about Christ’s death.
So we should voluntarily do penance to seek, with God’s help, to
expiate our sins and repair that damage (CCC 1460)
8. What are the qualities of a good confession?
A good confession is humble, sincere and complete.
9. What is sin and what sins need to be confessed in the
Sacrament of Penance?
Sin is an offense against God that ruptures our communion with Him
and with His Church (CCC 1440).
It is far more than “breaking the rules,” but is a failure to love
God and to love others, which causes real damage in all our relationships.
There are sins totally incompatible with love for God and others
(mortal sins, in which genuine love is “dead”), and ones in which love is less
grievously wounded (venial or “easily forgiven”).
The Church says that all grave or mortal sins must be confessed as
soon as possible (CIC 988).
A mortal sin involves an action whose object is grave matter that
is committed with full knowledge and deliberate
consent. Grave matter is generally understood to be something that violates
the Ten Commandments.
11. What are the consequences of a mortal sin?
A mortal sin “results in the loss of charity and the privation of
sanctifying grace, that is, of the state of grace. If it is not redeemed by
repentance and God's forgiveness, it causes exclusion from Christ's kingdom and
the eternal death of hell, for our freedom has the power to make choices for
ever, with no turning back” (CCC 1861).
This is why it is so important for mortal sins to be confessed to
a priest as soon as possible.
12. What is a venial sin and what are its consequences?
“One commits venial sin when, in a less serious matter, he does
not observe the standard prescribed by the moral law, or when he disobeys the
moral law in a grave manner, but without full knowledge or without complete
consent.
Venial sin weakens charity; it manifests a disordered affection
for created goods; it impedes the soul's progress in the exercise of the
virtues and the practice of the moral good; it merits temporal punishment.
Deliberate and unrepented venial sin disposes us little by little
to commit mortal sin.
However venial sin does not set us in direct opposition to the
will and friendship of God; it does not break the covenant with God. With God's
grace it is humanly reparable” (CCC 1862-1863).
13. What did Jesus say and do about sin?
Jesus is the Lamb of God who came to take away the sins of the
world (Jn 1:29).
His first public words were “Repent for the kingdom of God is at
hand” (Mt 4:17).
He healed the sins of the paralyzed man and of the woman caught in
adultery (Mk 2:5; Jn 8:11).
He preached on God’s desire to reconcile us with the beautiful
images of the lost sheep, lost coin and lost son (Lk 15).
He taught us how to be brutal toward sin, instructing us in the
Sermon on the Mount us that it would be better to rip out our eyes or cut off
our hands if they were leading us to sin than to do nothing and lose our bodies
and souls forever in Hell (Mt 5:29-30).
He taught us to pray to the Father to forgive us our sins and to
bring us to forgive the relatively smaller debts of those who sin against us
(Mt 6:12; 18:21-35).
On the Cross, as he prepared to die to take away our sins, Jesus’
salvific words were, first for sinners in general, “Father, forgive them, for
they do not know what they are doing,” and then for one sinner, the Good Thief,
in particular (Lk 23:34, 43).
After his resurrection, not only did Jesus give the apostles the
ability to forgive sins in his name but commanded them to preach “repentance
and forgiveness of sins” to all nations (Jn 20:21-23;
Lk 24:47).
That’s what the Church continues through preaching the need for
repentance and making Jesus’ mercy available through the Sacrament of Penance.
14. I know mortal sins must be confessed, but should I also
confess the venial sins I’m aware of?
The Church strongly recommends that we confess our every day faults (venial sins) because it can help us “to
form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies (patterns of weakness that
can lead us to sin), … be healed by Christ and
progress in the life of the Spirit. (CCC 1458; CIC 988).
Confession of our venial sins shows our hatred of all sin because
even venial sins are against the love of God and neighbor.
15. Should I go to confession if I’m only aware of having
committed venial sins?
Yes. We should not stay away from confession if we’ve committed
only venial sins, since the sacrament not only forgives our sins but gives us
God’s grace to fight against temptation.
The great saints, who were filled with love of God and seem for
the most part to have avoided mortal sins, have confessed very frequently,
because the sacrament helps us to grow in God’s grace.
It reveals to us our need for God’s help in the “little things” of
the day and leads us to ask for that help.
16. Should I go to confession if I haven’t committed any sins
since my last confession?
No, you should stay at home and wait for your canonization papers
to arrive! Seriously, if it’s been several weeks since your last confession,
you have probably not examined your conscience very carefully.
“The just man,” the Book of Proverbs tells us, “falls seven times
a day” (Prov 24:16).
If you’re struggling to find matter to confess, examine
your conscience on your sins of omission, on the seven
capital sins or on whether you in fact love the Lord with your whole heart,
mind, soul and strength (Lk 10:27).
17. If I forget to confess a mortal sin, is my confession still
valid and my sins forgiven?
Yes. If one through bad memory or nervousness forgets to confess a
mortal sin, the person’s confession is valid and all his or her sins will be
forgiven.
The person should, however, mention that forgotten sin in the next
confession to receive advice and a proper penance. If this is a routine
occurrence, it is probably an indication that one is either confessing too
infrequently or not fully aware of the true horror that is a mortal sin,
because one should not forget mortal sins easily.
If, on the other hand, a penitent deliberately refuses to mention
a mortal sin in confession, none of the person’s sins will be forgiven, the
person will remain in the dangerous state of mortal sin, and will be guilty of
the additional sin of sacrilege.
18. How often do I need to confess?
The Church recommends that Catholics receive the Sacrament of
Penance frequently.
Strictly speaking, after they’ve reached the age of reason,
Catholics are obliged to confess their serious sins at least once a year (CIC
989), but the minimum should not be made a maximum.
Catholics should come to confession as soon as possible after
they’ve committed a mortal sin. If they’re seeking to grow in holiness, the
regular practice of confession at least once a month is commended.
19. What are the effects of the sacrament?
The Sacrament of Penance is a spiritual resurrection bringing us
to life again after we were dead through mortal sin (Lk 15:24).
It reconciles us with God in loving friendship and restores us to
his grace. It is normally followed by peace, joy, serenity and spiritual
consolation.
The sacrament also reconciles us with the Church, repairing or restoring
the damage our sins have done to our communion with others.
The sinner also auspiciously anticipates the judgment that will
come at the end of his life, choosing the path of life over the path of death (CCC
1468-1470).
20. Can a priest reveal what he has heard to others?
No. A priest can never reveal the sins a person has confessed.
This is known as the “Seal of confession,” which admits of no exceptions (CCC
1467).
If a priest were to violate the seal of confession he would be
automatically excommunicated (CIC 1388).
Over the centuries several priests have died and many have been
imprisoned because they refused, even under threat of torture and execution, to
break the inviolable seal of confession.
This is one of the most beautiful aspects of the sacrament and of
the priesthood: the priest who hears our confession, in order to protect the
secrets we have whispered to God through him, will allow himself to be
imprisoned, tortured or even killed.
That’s how seriously he and the Church take the seal and the
sacrament.
21. What is the priest’s role in the sacrament of confession?
“When he celebrates the sacrament of Penance, the priest is
fulfilling the ministry of the Good Shepherd who seeks the lost sheep, of the
Good Samaritan who binds up wounds, of the Father who awaits the prodigal son
and welcomes him on his return, and of the just and impartial judge whose
judgment is both just and merciful."
"The priest is the sign and the instrument of God's merciful
love for the sinner.”
The priest is called, practically, to lead “the penitent with
patience toward healing and full maturity. He must pray and do penance for his
penitent, entrusting him to the Lord's mercy” (CCC 1465-66).
22. What if I feel nervous about going to the sacrament?
Remember, first, that in the sacrament you are fundamentally
talking to God through the priest.
God loves you, wishes to forgive you, and desires to embrace you
with the joy with which the prodigal son was embraced in Jesus’ parable (Lk
15:11-32).
Moreover, know that you will not say anything that the priest has
not heard before. Do not be afraid. If you are nervous, please just tell the
priest that you’re nervous and he will help you.
23. What if I haven’t been to the sacrament for many years? How
do I prepare? What do I say?
24. I’m reluctant to go to confession because I don’t know the
Act of Contrition by heart.
Confession is not meant to be a memory test.
It is good when Catholics have memorized one of the many
beautiful acts of contrition, which
sum up all of the sentiments and resolutions a Catholic should have in coming
to confession.
But if you do not know an Act of Contrition by
memory, you can always express your sorrow and firm purpose of amendment in
your own words, ask the priest to help you, or pray, “Jesus, Son of God, have
mercy on me, a sinner who loves you!”
25. What if I’m not comfortable going to confession face-to
face?
If you prefer to go to confession anonymously, that’s fine. Most
churches have traditional confessionals or reconciliation rooms with the option
to confess either face-to-face or kneeling behind an opaque screen.
In Church law, both the priest and the penitent have the right to
opt for the screen if for whatever reason they find that more comfortable.
26. What if I prefer to go to confession to priests at nearby
parishes or at Catholic shrines or chapels where confessions are available each
day?
The most important thing is that you go!
You can go to any Catholic priest in good standing with the
faculties to hear confessions.
You may find over time, however, that you will be helped more in
your struggle against sin by a good confessor who has gotten to know you than
by confessing to various priests, none of whom really know you.
27. Can I confess my sins over the telephone or via the internet?
You can confess your sins in any number of ways — many have
confessed to bartenders and hairdressers over the centuries — but you cannot
receive sacramental absolution via the internet or on the phone.
28. Can I be forgiven of the terrible sin of abortion?
Yes!
Pope John Paul II once wrote to women in your situation:
“The Church is aware of the many factors that may have influenced
your decision, and she does not doubt that in many cases it was a painful and
even shattering decision. The wound in your heart may not yet have healed.
Certainly what happened was and remains terribly wrong, but do not
give in to discouragement and do not lose hope.
Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly. If
you have not already done so, give yourselves over with humility and trust to
repentance. The Father of mercies is ready to give you his forgiveness and his
peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.”
Come, begin the process of healing.
If you would prefer to confess to a priest who has experience ministering
to women who have abortions, please contact Project Rachel and
they will put you in touch with such a priest.
Project Rachel also offers an extensive retreat program.
Call 317-452-0054 for more information. (All calls are
completely confidential).
29. Do I have to go to Confession before receiving Holy
Communion like everyone did years ago when I was a child?
If you are conscious of having committed a mortal sin, then, yes,
you must first go to receive Jesus’ forgiveness in the Sacrament of Penance and
be restored by Him to loving communion before you can come to receive Him in
Holy Communion.
The reason why young children must receive the Sacrament of
Penance before first Holy Communion is to ensure that they have cleaned their
inner “temples” to receive the greatest Guest of all.
The same principal applies to all of us. If one has not committed
any serious sins since his or her last good confession, then it is not
necessary to confess before receiving the Holy Eucharist.
30. May I receive the sacrament if I’m divorced?
If you are civilly divorced but have not remarried or were validly
married in the Church after receiving a declaration of nullity for your first
marriage, then, yes, you may receive the Sacrament.
If you have remarried outside of the Church or have entered into a
cohabitating relationship, then those predicaments must be addressed before you
can receive absolution.
Pope John Paul II addressed this situation in 1981:
“The church reaffirms her practice, which is based upon sacred
scripture, of not admitting to Eucharistic communion divorced persons who have
remarried. They are unable to be admitted thereto from the fact that their
state and condition of life objectively contradict that union of love between
Christ and the Church that is signified and effected by the Eucharist. …
Reconciliation in the sacrament of penance, which would open the
way to the Eucharist, can only be granted to those who, repenting of having broken
the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, are sincerely ready to
undertake a way of life that is no longer in contradiction to the
indissolubility of marriage.
This means, in practice, that when, for serious reasons such as,
for example, the children's upbringing, a man and a woman cannot satisfy the
obligation to separate, they ‘take on themselves the duty to live in complete
continence, that is, by abstinence from the acts proper to married couples’”
(FC 84).
If you’re in these circumstances, you are encouraged to talk to a
priest in the light of God about your present situation and possibly begin an
investigation of whether your first marriage was valid.
31. Can a priest ever rightly deny me absolution?
A priest will normally try to do everything he can never to have
to deny someone absolution.
But on some rare occasions he will find himself in a situation
where he has no choice.
This occurs when the penitent lacks one of the three elements that
make for a good confession:
In such cases, the priest will normally pray with the penitent so
that he or she may receive God’s help to remedy a situation from which the
person may presently see no way out.
32. I’ve heard that in some places people receive “general
absolution” all at once, without needing to go individually to a priest. Is
this valid?
The Church teaches, “In case of grave necessity recourse may be
had to a communal celebration of reconciliation with general confession and
general absolution. Grave necessity of this sort can arise when there is
imminent danger of death without sufficient time for the priest or priests to
hear each penitent's confession.
Grave necessity can also exist when, given the number of
penitents, there are not enough confessors to hear individual confessions
properly in a reasonable time, so that the penitents through no fault of their
own would be deprived of sacramental grace or Holy Communion for a long time.
In this case, for the absolution to be valid the faithful must
have the intention of individually confessing their sins in the time required.
The diocesan bishop is the judge of whether or not the conditions required for
general absolution exist. A large gathering of the faithful on the occasion of
major feasts or pilgrimages does not constitute a case of grave necessity” (CCC
1483).
For practical purposes, outside of an imminent danger of death
situation, these conditions would never obtain in our Archdiocese. Moreover, if
a penitent sought to have recourse to a general absolution as a means of
avoiding individual confession and absolution, the confession would be invalid.
33. Can my sins be forgiven outside of the Sacrament of Penance?
God, who created the sacraments for our salvation, is Himself not
bound by them. Our sins are first forgiven, of course, through the sacrament of
baptism.
For post-baptismal sins, the Church has always taught that, for
example in a danger of death situation without the possibility of recourse to
the sacrament of confession, God could forgive our sins if we pray to him with
perfect contrition.
The reality is, however, that we can never know if we’ve made a
perfect act of contrition.
The Church teaches, therefore, that “individual, integral
confession and absolution remain the only ordinary way for the faithful to
reconcile themselves with God and the Church, unless physical or moral
impossibility excuses from this kind of confession” (CCC 1484).
The great gift of this sacrament is that, if we confess all our
serious sins with sorrow and a firm purpose of amendment, we do not need to
doubt whether our sins have been forgiven.
God created this sacrament so that we might know he has forgiven
us through the ministry of priests.
34. I’ve had a bad experience with confession in the past. The
priest wasn’t very compassionate to me. I’m afraid this will happen to me
again.
It is very unfortunate that your previous experience in the
confessional wasn’t good. Most priests are very understanding and good
confessors.
Some are extraordinarily compassionate and very wise and can
really help you grow in your spiritual life.
It’s possible that the priest you had was having a bad day; it
happens to everyone now and then.
If you’re nervous about it, ask a friend or someone you trust to
recommend a good confessor. We hope you’ll try again.
35. I haven’t been to confession in many years. How can I
possibly remember every little sin to confess from then until now?
You don’t have to remember every single sin. The Holy Spirit will
reveal to you the most important ones for you to confess.
Start with the most serious ones first and then go on to all the
ones you can remember.
The grace of the sacrament will “cover” the sins you can’t recall
at the moment; although it’s important to confess them later if you do
remember.
A general rule of thumb is that the ones that are hardest to talk
about are the ones, once confessed, that will help you grow the most.
Making a good examination of conscience is
an excellent way to help you prepare for confession.
36. The thought of having to confess certain sins, out loud, to
a priest, makes me extremely uncomfortable. Will the priest express disappointment
or shock when he hears what I have to say?
You’re not going to shock or disappoint the priest.
Every confession reveals something of the human condition, which
the priest is very familiar with. He understands.
Rather than feeling shock or disappointment, most priests feel
great compassion and mercy. Your confessor won’t be disappointed with you.
On the contrary, he will admire your faith and courage.
If you do feel uncomfortable, use the confessional screen. It will
help you feel a little less vulnerable.
And remember, although you are confessing your sins to a priest
you’re really confessing them to Jesus Christ. If you use the screen, close
your eyes and talk to Jesus, it’ll be a lot easier.
Taken from the Archdiocese of Denver.